Fog of Care

During ward round..
Consultant: So if you could turn back time 5 years, would you still choose medicine?

I found it quite hard to answer, seeing how my brother enjoys life as an engineer, how my many other friends could enjoy all their weekends and public holidays..
But still i said 'i guess so..' Because there are really times i find that it's a rewarding job.

It's too easy to hate what i am doing now.. but i might be hating being in other jobs that i haven't done before.

One particular trauma surgeon likes to use the phrase 'fog of war' in a resus. Meaning that while everything is ongoing, there will be items left out when everyone is busily involved in the resus and therefore there should be a 'bystander' looking at the resus and pointing out the gaps

Likewise, i seem to notice 'fog of care' when i am at work in the hospital. Most evident during night calls

'Fog of care' occurs because in times of need, it is nurses who call the docs rather than patients themselves. I will therefore tend to handle the nurses (the fog) instead of the patient's issues.
E.g. 'Doctor! Patient in pain now... How? Wants to see a doctor..' Reply: give him IM tramadol..
The exchange above will result in 2 scenarios:
1) Good nurse accepts and says:'OK if he got any more pain, I call you again ah?' (Yeah, 1 problem solved)
2) Very concerned nurse:'Huh? But patient anxious leh.. wants to see doctor ++' OR 'wa cannot order like that la. you come and see patient ok? slam..' (then how?.. what to do, must see patient lor)
So the same patient may have the same problem but because of the nurse, he may or may not get to see the doctor.

The head of my dept once said very rightly that made me feel real guilty (but the guilt only lasted till my next call) "Very often, we get irritated when nurses call us for patients' problems, forgetting that the patients need us. We always treat these problems as chores, forgetting why we want to become doctors"

I'm really not a compassionate doc.. I am one of those who will get irritated by nurses' calls at night. how do i get rid of this irritation? i have seen real cool colleagues who despite being super busy, are still real polite and patient with everyone. These are the true DOCTORS.

Back to the question.. will i still take medicine? I want to, but am i fit?