Death

Attending another friend's wake tonight.

I've been to a secondary school's classmate's some years ago: sudden death while playing games. Now a suicide. It doesn't feel so close (death), until someone my own age passes away..
I wonder why she is not saved, why couldn't she like many others I've seen on night call come into hospital stable and I will go "just another DO.."

I've always wondered what death is like. How it feels. (or is there any sensation at all?) I'm looking forward to so much more things in life, but these friends my age have gone.
Is suicide stupid? Maybe? But is it possible that life's torture ends with death. Our ancestors may be laughing at us for not joining them earlier...
Suicide cowardly? But it takes so much courage to venture into the unknown territory of death when one hasn't experienced it..

Do we imagine that we have souls that will continue our lives after death because we cannot accept that we will be gone forever with death?
I can't imagine myself in a sleep forever, not waking up, not even dreaming, not seeing through my eyes again, losing all my senses, not even being able to call myself 'me' because I have already ceased existence but that's how it's supposed to be.. scientifically.

I'm sad to see them go at such an age. Where many happiness is still in stored for them, albeit the sadness of life. But hopefully there's solace in death.... that, i can only know when it's my turn.