Turning Point

time to decide for clusters to work for during MO days.

I was quite full of enthusiasm as a student.. "I want to do A and E!!!!" But i guess i thought of it too early then. Working and studying is completely different. Just like ideals and reality.. Very different

Guess I'm not good enough as a full fledge doctor. Can't think fast/far enough. Missed a SAH, but fortunately my MO thought of it.. If not, wonder what will happen to the patient.. How many misses will i commit if i continue? Or have i missed many already but didn't know about it... Scary

When i was an ortho HO, i thought medicine will be better as people in medicine don't need to refer haemato to treat a DVT or don't have to refer to respi to treat a pneumonia or don't refer to ID to treat a necrotising faciitis... But when i started medicine, i feel the registrars/consultants are too 'cocky', not as nice as the ortho regs/cons. (i mean not all are like that though)

Now when i clerk cases i think of whether i will get a call from the con the next day for doing something stupid or not doing enough for the patient.. not whether i am doing things good enough for the patient... When i look at a patient's ECG i will hope that nothing is wrong so that i can just sign it and go off to do other stuff, i won't be thinking of the patient's well being when i look at it.. Call myself a doctor?

Too tired? Maybe.. No fighting spirit? Most probably.. But i still decided.. to join public health..

Office job.. why not? Family time.. WHY NOT?

I guess i lost it.. the fire... the passion... at least i can still console myself i'm doing something medicine related..